Having actually finished this week’s blog post I decided to have a look at some of last weeks posts and one caught my eye immediately G is for Goofy posted by Mama Fortuna on her blog Walk Softly Witch!
I posted a response letting her know how much I loved her post and how, well here, read it for yourself 🙂
Love this … it is just soooooo true 😀 I love the goofy dressing up part but when going to a group thing, even at a pagan camp, I’ll stress out oh will I look stupid, will anyone else be in robes etc. Of course there are invariably loads of people far more ‘dressed up’ than I then I just keep wishing I’d taken x or y. The daftest thing is that in my day-to-day life I don’t tend to stress about fashion etc 🙂
I ended up putting it on google+, I don’t actually think her blogspot site accepted my wordpress id. Regardless of my comment conundrums the post made me think.
I said I don’t tend to stress about fashion, and I don’t, but I do stress about what to wear. Even on a day-to-day basis, is my top long enough to cover my stomach, is x, y or z most appropriate for the occasion/place e.g. work or meeting friends. Now while yes there is an unspoken dress code for work I not only always meet such requirements, I’m generally stricter with myself than others would be. Necklines, hems etc should be a certain length, well in my opinion, especially as I work in a secondary school.
But that’s not what this post it about, it’s about some personal growing I’m in the midst of doing this evening … I’ve always believed that I don’t care what others think about what I wear but I really do. I often stress over outfits, not whether they are at all fashionable but about whether the clothes will help me fit in! Hmmm this links back to a post I did just last week, which I thought was about the past but I guess not. That one was about Fear, how I hid my paganism for many years, mostly for fear of hurting my parents. I guess inside me there has been some fear about being accepted where ever I’ve been, in the Pagan world or in that weird place called the ‘real’ or ‘normal’ world.
When I go to Castlerigg Stone Circle for the Solstices, especially the Summer Solstice I desperately want to ‘dress up’ and do generally wear my cloak over the six million layers required for warmth (only a slight exaggeration, believe me!) but I tend to triple guess myself and end up with my only ‘dress up’ being the cloak, not my tri-coloured skirt I made for ritual, not my floaty tops and skirts, just ‘normal’ clothes.
Even when I go to Pagan camps, where everyone is so accepting and clothing varies so much I’ll stress about things and often end up not wearing things which I keep for ritual and wear quite happily at home … on my own … nowhere near a mirror. In the picture below I did, at the last minute, decide to put my floaty top, skirt, cloak and headress on. It remember it as being a close thing, I drove there in ‘normal’ clothes (those sleeves just get in the way) and I think I even started moving away from the car before going back … my poor memory though, I might be getting it mixed up with a different year, I’ve been to Thornborough to celebrate Beltane a couple of times.
So … point to this post … I’ve realised how much I have let people’s opinions affect me, even when those opinions are totally in my imagination. Just look at the smile on my face, I love wearing my ritual gear, getting into the spirit of things. Looking for pictures of me in ‘gear’ wasn’t easy, I don’t often have my photo taken, but these are both from 2009, guess I was feeling more relaxed that year, shame I went back a bit. Realising all this is a major growth step, I will take the next one and start wearing what I want to; though obviously meeting dress codes where advisable (e.g. work) 😉