I was originally thinking of making this F post about the goddess Freya but when I sat down to type … my mind changed.
Today’s post is now “F is for FEAR”
Fear of “coming out” as a pagan. For I can’t remember how many years I kept my paganism very very quiet, mostly for fear of upsetting my parents but also for fear of creating an upset in my work life. When I say I kept it quiet I have a ring with pentacles on that I love … for a couple of years I only ever wore it when I wasn’t in the county I live and work in … yeah I was that extreme!
With my parents I knew they wouldn’t approve, and yes I am an adult, when I realised I was a pagan and started looking into it more and meeting up with like-minded people I was already married with a child! I’m honestly not sure if my Dad really knows I’m pagan even now. It’s not something I’ve ever talked about with him. When I first started exploring the internet I joined an msn group called “The Spiritual Garden” and when I very excitedly started telling him about it his first response was something along the lines of “but how do you know if they’re really Christians?” So, no more discussions along those lines with my Dad! My Mum knows and has tried to understand but still prays for my soul, she’s sad that I won’t be joining her in heaven and that I don’t share in her faith, worship and bible reading.
Work wise I’m not in their faces; I work in schools, currently a catholic secondary school. I do always wear my pentacle, usually tucked in, and my pentacle ring but I don’t wear my earrings with dangling pentacles etc. especially when attending services. I don’t join in, I sometimes feel conspicuous sitting there not crossing myself in staff meetings but I’m not the only one who refrains. Apart from respect there is always the fear that if someone is to go … well not being ‘of the faith’ does tend to count against you, even if unofficially.
However I do realise how lucky I am to live in England. Yes there are many problems but I have the right and the freedom to follow the path I choose. I am not forced to attend nor forbidden to attend a particular house of worship. I may be subject to ridicule on occasion – though when you agree that yes you are a witch it does take it out of their sails lol – but no one tries to stone me or burn me.
So yes, fear has played a large part in my life as a result of acknowledging to myself that I am a pagan but I am now proud to be so and though I don’t shout about it at work if asked I don’t just say I’m not catholic, depending on the circumstances I say I am not Christian or that I am Pagan.
I am Willow, I am Pagan and Proud of being so.